How to Talk to Teens About Drugs & Alcohol

Seeing signs of substance use in your teenager or worrying that they might be headed in that direction can feel overwhelming and scary. But you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with how to start these conversations without pushing their teen further away.

The reality is that substance abuse in teens is more common than most families expect. 

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), by 12th grade nearly 47% of adolescents have tried an illicit drug, and more than half have tried alcohol. In 2023 alone, an estimated 1.6 million adolescents aged 12–17 met the criteria for a substance use disorder. 

Peer pressure, academic stress, anxiety, and the need to fit in all play a role in why teens experiment—and sometimes that experimentation progresses into something more serious.

But here’s what the research also tells us: open, honest conversations between parents and teens are one of the single most effective tools in preventing drug abuse in teenagers. Having these talks early—and continuing them—can make a real difference.

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Why Do Teens Use Drugs and Alcohol?

Before you can talk to your teen about substance use, it helps to understand what’s driving the behavior. Why do teens use drugs? Why do teens drink alcohol? The answers are rarely simple, and almost never about the substance itself.

Teens don’t use drugs or alcohol in a vacuum. There are almost always underlying factors at play.

Common reasons teens experiment with substances include:

• Peer pressure and social belonging. The desire to fit in with friends or avoid being left out is one of the most powerful forces in adolescent life.
• Stress and anxiety. Academic pressure, family conflict, or social challenges can leave teens looking for a way to cope.
• Curiosity. Adolescence is a time of exploration, and some teens simply want to know what a substance feels like.
• Untreated mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, and other conditions can lead teens to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol when they don’t have healthier outlets.
• Media and social media influence. Substance use is frequently glamorized in music, movies, and social platforms, distorting teens’ perceptions of risk.

Why Do Teens Drink Alcohol Specifically?

Alcohol is often the first substance teens encounter because of its accessibility and social normalization. Teenage drinking frequently begins at home or at social gatherings where alcohol is present. Unlike other substances, teens may see adults—including their own parents—using alcohol regularly, which can blur the line between acceptable and risky behavior.

The effects of teenage drinking on the brain are particularly concerning. The adolescent brain continues developing into the mid-20s, and alcohol use during this window can impair memory, learning, and decision-making in ways that persist into adulthood.

Understanding these root causes doesn’t excuse substance use—it equips you to address it with empathy rather than assumptions.

How to Prepare for the Conversation

Talking to your teen about drugs and alcohol is more effective when you approach it with preparation and intentionality. A few steps can set the stage for a productive dialogue.

Educate Yourself First

You don’t need to be an expert, but having a solid understanding of common substances, their effects, and the signs of substance abuse in teens will help you speak from a place of knowledge rather than fear.

Start with these steps:

• Review resources from NIDA and SAMHSA on adolescent substance use trends.
• Understand the difference between experimentation, recreational use, and substance abuse—they require different responses.
• Learn about your family’s history with addiction, as genetic predisposition is a real risk factor.
• Talk with your teen’s pediatrician if you have specific concerns.

Being informed helps you stay calm and respond with facts instead of reacting emotionally.

Choose the Right Moment

Timing matters. Avoid initiating the conversation during moments of conflict or high stress—it’s likely to shut down communication before it starts.

Settings that tend to work well:

• During a car ride (side-by-side conversations feel less confrontational)
• After a family dinner when everyone is relaxed
• During a walk or outdoor activity
• After a relevant moment—a news story, a scene in a show, or something that happened at school

These “teachable moments” create natural entry points. You’re not sitting your teen down for a lecture; you’re opening a door for genuine conversation.

Starting the Conversation: Lead With Honesty, Not Fear

The most effective conversations about drugs and alcohol are rooted in honesty—not scare tactics.

Teens can spot inauthenticity quickly. If your approach feels like a lecture or a cross-examination, they’ll disengage. Instead, aim for a two-way dialogue that treats your teen as capable of understanding real information.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Start by understanding where your teen already stands. You might be surprised by what they know—and what they’ve already encountered.

Try questions like:

• “What have you heard from friends about drinking or drugs?”
• “Have you talked about substance use in health class? What did you think?”
• “What would you do if someone at a party offered you something?”

These questions invite conversation rather than demanding confessions. They signal that you’re genuinely curious about their world, not just waiting to deliver a verdict.

Listen More Than You Talk

Active listening is the foundation of trust. When your teen responds, resist the urge to interrupt, correct, or react with alarm.

• Make eye contact (but don’t force it—read their comfort level).
• Use phrases like “Tell me more about that” or “I hear you” to keep the dialogue flowing.
• Reflect back what they’ve said: “It sounds like you’ve felt pressure from your friends about this.”

When teens feel heard, they’re far more likely to continue talking—about this topic and others.

Be Honest About Your Own Perspective

You don’t need to share every detail of your own history with substances, but being authentic matters. If your teen asks whether you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, a thoughtful, honest answer is more effective than a flat denial they may not believe.

What matters most is framing the conversation around your genuine concern for their safety and well-being—not around punishment.

Creating a Judgment-Free Zone

One of the biggest barriers to open communication about substance use is fear of judgment. If your teen believes that being honest will lead to an explosion, a lecture, or harsh consequences, they’ll simply stop talking to you about it.

This doesn’t mean there are no rules or consequences. It means the conversation itself needs to feel safe.

What a Judgment-Free Approach Looks Like

• Separate the behavior from the person. “I’m concerned about this choice” is different from “I can’t believe you would do something like that.”
• Acknowledge their reality. Saying “I know there’s a lot of pressure to try things at your age” validates their experience without condoning the behavior.
• Avoid catastrophizing. Jumping to worst-case scenarios can feel dismissive of what they’re actually going through.
• Make it clear you’re on their team. “I’d rather you come to me honestly than feel like you have to hide things.”

This approach doesn’t mean you’re “soft” on substance use. It means you’re building the kind of trust that makes your teen more likely to come to you when it matters most.

Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries

Open dialogue and clear boundaries aren’t contradictions—they’re partners. Your teen needs to know where you stand on substance use, and those expectations should be communicated clearly and consistently.

Establish Your Family’s Rules

Be direct about what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Ambiguity creates confusion, especially for adolescents who are testing limits.

Effective boundary-setting includes:

• Stating your family’s position on drug and alcohol use clearly (“In our family, underage substance use is not okay.”)
• Explaining the why behind the rules—health risks, legal consequences, impact on brain development
• Defining specific, proportional consequences for breaking these rules
• Being consistent in enforcing those consequences

Avoid overly harsh or punitive approaches. Research consistently shows that extreme punishment increases resentment and secrecy rather than preventing substance use.

Connect Rules to Your Family’s Values

Frame your expectations within the broader context of your family’s values—health, responsibility, trust, and respect. When teens understand that rules come from shared values rather than arbitrary control, they’re more likely to internalize them.

Include your teen in these conversations. Asking “What do you think is a fair consequence if this boundary is crossed?” gives them a sense of ownership and personal accountability.

Talking About Harm Reduction

Not every conversation about substance use needs to be about abstinence. For some families, harm reduction—teaching teens how to stay safer if they encounter substances—is an important complement to clear boundaries.

Harm reduction doesn’t mean giving permission. It means being realistic about the world your teen lives in and equipping them with information that could protect them.

Harm Reduction Strategies to Discuss

• Never get in a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs. Teenage drinking and driving remains one of the leading causes of death among adolescents. Make a no-questions-asked agreement that they can always call you for a ride.
• Know what they’re consuming. The rise of fentanyl-laced substances has made this more critical than ever—even a single pill from an unknown source can be lethal.
• Look out for friends. Teach your teen how to recognize signs that someone is in trouble—and what to do about it.
• Trust their instincts. If a situation feels unsafe, leaving is always the right choice.

Having these conversations signals that your top priority is their safety—even in imperfect situations.

Addressing Peer Pressure and Social Influence

Peer pressure remains one of the strongest predictors of teen substance use. Your teen needs practical tools—not just warnings—to navigate it.

Help Them Build a Toolkit

• Practice responses. Role-play scenarios where they’re offered substances. Having a ready response (“No thanks, I’m good” or “I’m driving tonight”) makes it easier to say no in the moment.
• Identify real friends vs. pressure. Talk about the difference between friends who respect their choices and those who don’t.
• Discuss social media literacy. Help your teen think critically about how substance use is portrayed online and in media. Ask questions like, “What message do you think that post is actually sending?”
• Set personal boundaries. Encourage them to decide in advance what they will and won’t do—before they’re in a high-pressure situation.

Encouraging Healthy Alternatives

Teens who have meaningful activities, strong relationships, and healthy outlets are less likely to turn to substances. One of the most impactful things you can do is help your teen build a life that doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to feel fulfilling.

Positive Alternatives to Promote

• Physical activity. Sports, hiking, climbing, or any movement that naturally boosts endorphins and reduces stress.
• Creative outlets. Music, art, writing, or anything that gives your teen a way to express themselves.
• Community involvement. Volunteering, clubs, or mentorship programs build a sense of purpose and belonging.
• Mindfulness and stress management. Deep breathing, journaling, or meditation offer teens practical coping tools they can use anywhere.
• Family connection. Regular time together—meals, outings, traditions—reinforces the support system around your teen.

When healthy habits are the norm in your household, your teen is far more likely to adopt them.

Recognizing the Signs of Substance Abuse in Teens

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, substance use escalates. Knowing how to identify the signs of substance abuse in teens is critical for early intervention—the earlier you act, the better the outcomes.

Warning Signs to Watch For:

• A significant drop in academic performance
• Sudden changes in friend groups or social circles
• Withdrawal from family, hobbies, or activities they once enjoyed
• Extreme mood swings, irritability, or aggression
• Physical signs: bloodshot eyes, changes in appetite or sleep, unexplained weight changes
• Secretive behavior, lying, or missing money or valuables
• Needing more of a substance to feel the same effect (tolerance)
• Inability to stop using despite wanting to

If you’re noticing several of these signs, it’s time to seek professional support. Starting with your teen’s pediatrician can provide an initial assessment and referral if needed.

Professional Resources

• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7)
• Your teen’s pediatrician: Can provide initial assessments and referrals
• Family therapy: Strengthens communication and addresses family dynamics contributing to substance use
• Support groups: Organizations like Alateen and Al-Anon offer community for teens and families affected by substance use

How Second Nature Supports Teens and Families

At Second Nature, we understand that teens and substance abuse is rarely a simple story. Drug abuse in teenagers is often connected to underlying issues—depression, anxiety, ADHD, trauma, or difficulty navigating the emotional landscape of adolescence.

Our nature-based therapeutic program removes the daily distractions and pressures that can fuel substance use, creating space for teens to confront their behaviors, understand their patterns, and build real coping skills.

What Makes Our Approach Different

• Clinical depth. Our clinical team integrates evidence-based therapies—including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Motivational Interviewing—within an immersive wilderness setting.
• Family involvement. Through our parent coaching and family therapy programs, we work with the whole family—not just the teen—to rebuild communication and trust.
• Addressing root causes. We go beyond surface behaviors to understand co-occurring mental health issues that may be driving substance use.
• Lasting change. The experiential nature of our program demands genuine growth. Nature offers lessons that reinforce the boundaries set by our experienced therapists and field instructors.

Keep the Conversation Going

Talking to your teen about drugs and alcohol isn’t a one-time event. It’s an ongoing dialogue that evolves as they grow.

To maintain open communication:

• Schedule regular, low-pressure check-ins. Ask how they’re feeling—not just what they’re doing.
• Revisit the topic naturally when opportunities arise (news stories, peer situations, media portrayals).
• Be consistent in your messaging and your boundaries.
• Celebrate their good decisions. Positive reinforcement strengthens the behaviors you want to see.
• Model the behavior you expect. Your own relationship with substances speaks louder than any conversation.

Approaching teens and substance abuse with a combination of honesty, empathy, and clear expectations gives your teen the foundation they need to make informed decisions—and the confidence to come to you when they need help.

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If your teen is struggling with substance use and you’re not sure what to do next, we’re here to help. Contact Second Nature at 877-701-7600 or reach out to our admissions team to learn about our program.